“Why can’t I achieve my goals?” and why other people can” I used to ask myself until life taught me the hard way. It was about 2 years ago that I got out of an abusive relationship, I always wondered, why did something always have to come up when I started working on my goals, not being able to follow through.
I share a very personal story, that pointed me in the direction I wanted to go. This is not about the law of attraction and how to be positive, you can have thousands of affirmation written down all over your home but if you’re not with the right people, you’re setting yourself for failure. People are full of emotions and emotion equal energy, depending on the energy level of the individuals you surround yourself with is the kind of outcome you’ll get.
New Beginnings Turned Old
I was living at my mom’s, I had returned from California and was looking for a job. I briefly worked at Dennis but quit soon after I wasn’t getting enough tips. I was working to build a network marketing business. I was talking to a long high school friend who was also selling door to door, just for another company and he wanted to introduce me to his friend, who was coming back to UT.
On the other hand, my mom at the time, seeing that I was in my late twenties, she wanted me to either get married or get my own place since I am not Mormon like her. At the time I couldn’t get my own place because I was currently looking for a job.
I found myself listening to my mom, things like “You’re almost going to hit 30 and still single” or “you would never find someone” or “once you’re in your late 20’s you have to settle with dating men younger than you”.
I decided to give this guy a chance and in the beginning stages, he sent me flowers, he was romantic, but something didn’t feel right about him. He started to gain my mom’s trust, and suddenly he was renting a room at my mom’s house downstairs.
Even though my mom liked him, it still didn’t feel right. Soon after, he couldn’t keep a job, he told me we were going to North Carolina to sell Directtv. Long story short, he ended up beating me up and choking me every time he had a bad day.
I called the cops and got a bus ticket to go to Utah. When I was waiting for the bus at the greyhound station he kept calling and telling me to get him out of jail. I remember leaving North Carolina in the greyhound, not knowing what hurt the most the bruises or the pain of failure.
Failing to listen to me when things didn’t feel right. I realized that growing up, my family instilled so much fear in me that I couldn’t leave home for good and somehow ended up at my toxic’s mom place every time I tried to move out.
Unconsciously, I was still letting her decide for me and sabotaging myself. After coming back from North Carolina, my mom said she needed to talk to me and told me that everything that happened to me was my fault for not getting married first.
At that point, I’ve had enough of everybody and finally decided to move out for good, this time I’d rather be homeless than being under her roof. I went looking for several places to rent in the area but none of them felt right, I knew somehow if I stayed in the same area I was still going to fail so I decided to move up to Salt Lake City. I stayed for a few days at my friend’s, then found a room, and worked as a Sales Associate at a Crickett store.
I stopped talking to my mom for a few days. In the process, I met people and coworkers that helped me get a low-income apartment and a second job. Soon after I had to leave that job and had two jobs. I was honestly doing much, much better by myself.
After 27 years of my life, I had wasted my life listening to my mom when my mom all along she didn’t have what I wanted, we’re so different, we didn’t even have the same beliefs. I was wrecking and sabotaging myself for not listening. I stopped my progress because I’d rather listen to her than me. I went through hell because I never really looked inside of me.
The Real Equation
Truth is, it’s so easy to achieve your goals. 95 % is Mindset and the rest is strategy. You can be talking and coming up with proven and successful systems to follow all you want but IF you don’t feel like doing the things you’re supposed to do or you hang out with people that are always bringing you down as I did, you won’t get anywhere.
For me, it was really hard to start Over but at the same time I was excited I felt free for the first time in a long time, but with two jobs it was really hard for me to maintain a routine, I started small and focus on 3 things:
- eating healthy
One of the things that really helped me worked on my mindset was affirmations, no matter how boring you think they are, it’s so easy to start your day listening to affirmations. In my case, I set up my airpods and phone right next to me on top of my nightstand, as soon as the alarm goes off I put my airpods on and listen to affirmation then go get some cold water with greens.
I realized that everything that has happened to me, and I mean everything was the outcome of my bad decisions.
For any opportunity you need to be prepared to receive the opportunity, and to keep yourself from self-sabotage is crucial to repeat or listen to affirmations. They will help sooner or later. In my case I when I was looking for a job I listen to affirmations and got a job so I could use the money to invest it in paid tools for my business.
Next, is Meditation, when I was working two jobs, I meditated every day and every night, at first it was really hard because I thought that you weren’t supposed to be thinking of anything at all until I found a video on youtube teaching how to properly meditate.
You can meditate everywhere, that now I make it a way of living I focus on my breath every time I find myself overthinking or having anxiety. Believe it or not, this helped me have more self- control and be more aware.
Most people seek control from their outer world but control exists within ourselves. If you can’t control yourself then you’re not able to control your habits and if you can’t control your habits well.. then you’re really can’t accomplish anything
Eating healthy can also really help you achieve your goals. focus on one aspect in your life and everything will fall into place, I started drinking my greens in the morning and planning out my meals.
having oatmeal cookies for breakfast or just overnight oats and a healthy meal in the evening. if you’re not used to eating healthy let your mind relate pleasure to Heath.
Start small, remember that your body needs enough nutrients to function and IF you’re not feeling like being productive, your diet has a lot to do with that. In his “High-Performance Habits” book by Brendon Burchard, he explains that a goof and healthy diet is essential for your day to day performance.
Even though eating healthy was a hard one for me I started slow. I bought a veggie drink mix and started drinking that in the morning instead of having coffee, After listening to my affirmations and meditated for ten minutes.
Yes, I started to focus on these three things at the beginning to start creating momentum in my life, but the moral of this story is that I learned to listen to myself. Yes after 27 years, but thanks to that I no longer live in fear.
Also, don’t be afraid to fail when you’re listening to that voice that wants to guide you, things worked out for me after I learned my lesson and became more self-aware and sometimes just being more self-aware and open-minded can point you to the right path to achieve your goals.